Kara Marie

It's called "Busy Mom" around here, that's why I haven't been very faithful at emailing and keeping you updated.  So this might be short and to the point but that seems to be all I have time for these days.  (I know, go ahead and laugh, you that have more than one kiddo in the house)  We are having lots of fun though with our sweet little Kara.  Her smiles are so precious these days.  Rare, yes.

I'll just give a run down of our trip to NYC a week and a half ago.  We left around 7:30 Wednesday morning and arrived in the Bronx right around 1:00.  We parked up the street from Xavier and Angela's house to meet with the case workers (discussed some things) and then walked to the house.

We had a very open time of discussing our lives, their lives, Kara's progress, our/their level of openness in the adoption.  

We also shared some gifts with them (not even coming close to the value of the "gift" they gave us).  A P.Graham Dunn plaque with the verse from Jeremiah 29:11, a basket with some goodies: 2 kinds of cheeses, grape jelly, asparagus, choc/toffee pretzels, potted plant, lollipops. Chocolate chip cream cheese bars, a stuffed puppy for Nevaeh (Kara's sister), (Kara has a matching puppy)  After we left, the case worker told us that they were all over the goodies; and what warmed my heart is Muenster cheese is Angela's favorite! I think it was a little God-thing :)

You might be wondering why in the world I would give asparagus as a gift- well, it was suggested to us that since they are intrigued with our community and they haven't ever bought something from a farmer's market let alone had a garden, that something grown here and that's in season (which isn't much right now) would be a nice gift for them.  Hence the asparagus.  It sounded fun to them.

At one point while we were there, Xavier asked Marvin to step into another room with him.  He wanted Marvin to know that -Marvin is the dad and that he is ok with it.  Our faith encouraged him and possibly reconsidering church/getting back to God.

Marvin thanked him for choosing life, etc.  And tried to validate him.  Kara was not a mistake.

At one point Angela shared with the case worker and me that she scheduled or planned to abort Kara 10 times but never felt right about it.  PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!!

After about an hour the grandmother thought it was time to pack up and let us head home.

We tucked little Kara in her car seat.  Took some pictures with the parents.  And then came the good-byes.

It felt almost like I was ripping a piece out of their lives.  We hugged, we cried, thank you's were said (thank you seemed like such a pitiful word, but what else was there to say?)  Neither of our lives will ever be the same; we are rejoicing; they will be mourning.  It's so bittersweet.  

What a feeling on the way home - going from just the 2 of us to now having a baby!  And she's staying!  I'm not just babysitting, she's ours.

We arrived home around 8:30 to a lovely decorated house.  Some friends popped in while we were gone and put up streamers, balloons, and fun baby things.  It was so special to know that they thought of us in that way.

Mom & Dad B. stopped by to see their new little granddaughter soon after we got home.

Our first couple of days/nights were interesting - trying to get to know each other and get in a routine.  Kara has adjusted very well.  (I think we have too :)

The doctor in NYC had said Kara will need surgery to place a shunt within a couple of weeks because of Hydrocephalus.  We decided we want to transfer her to a doctor closer to us.  So we have been in contact with a Neuro doctor from Rochester.  An appointment was scheduled for last Wednesday.  Kara's head circumference is outside of the normal growth curve but at this point it is still following the curve (not shooting straight up - if that would happen, something would have to be done soon).  A CT scan was done at the hospital the same day.  Her ventricles are enlarged but the doctor is not so concerned that something should be done immediately.  He said placing a shunt is a life long commitment.  Also, she still had soft spots on her head; no hardness or extreme pressure where there shouldn't be.  She eats VERY well (as in about every 2-3 hours), does not cry excessively, sleeps well (waking only about once a night for feeding).  So there's really no concerning symptoms other than larger head size/ventricles.

The doctor would like to see her on June 21 to check head circumference/to see if there's been notable change.  So at this point there is no surgery scheduled!  And we would be very happy if there never is!

Thank you again for your many prayers for our little family.

A Dream Come True

The last week and a half feels like I've been having a dream...  We were contacted by our adoption agency, Bethany Christian Services, on Wednesday, May 15 about a little girl born in NYC on April 4.  They wondered if we would be interested in putting our names/profile out for the birth family to look at.  After spending some time praying, asking God to show us what He would have us do, we felt peace about putting out our profile.

Not wanting to get our hopes up too high, we waited.  A few days seemed like so long.  But a week later we were told the birth family really liked our profile and wanted to get to know us better.  That sounded like good news to us but of course we had heard something similar to that with some of the other cases we went through, so our hopes still weren't too high.

A phone call was scheduled for Thursday evening between us and the birth family, which consisted of mom, dad and grandmother (who takes care of the baby most of the time).  The call went very well... Which means that, yes, they REALLY want us to be the parents to their little girl. (umm, yeah, it was really hard to keep ourselves together, lets just say :)

Some of the things that drew them to our profile:  we are Christians, we live in a quiet community (unlike NYC), and as a couple- we looked like we fit well together.

They wondered if we wanted pictures of the baby.  Why, yes, of course! :)  The birthmom said she would send us pictures a few minutes after we got off the phone.  and oh, my.  Our hearts nearly melted in a puddle when we saw her.

It was very obvious the parents loved her, but felt very overwhelmed with caring for the baby and also their daughter who just turned one.  She also has a condition called Hydrocephalus (which to our knowledge she has a mild case) which will need medical attention in the very near future as well ongoing.

The parents are very anxious to have placement happen quickly.  So, the plans are for us to make the trip down to NYC on Wednesday to pick up our new little daughter. (Oh! it just sounds like music to my ears!)

So, those are the details for now.  I'm sure more will follow after Wednesday! :)

little ones- to Him belong

Life was pretty quiet until about a month ago.  And now our lives may never be the same... but that's ok.  Two very precious little people will need a home and a mommy and daddy who will love them.  And we are hoping we can be that mommy and daddy!  Brother is 3 and sister is 2.  Saturday evening we met them for the first time in Syracuse.  Before we got to the meeting place we were quite nervous and excited!  But God was so good- the children came right up to us and our nervousness slipped away.  And through out the evening they were very comfortable around us.  Destiny USA had lots of fun things for the children to do and see. Riding the carousel was a highlight for them and afterwards their favorite: chicken nuggets and fries.

Rewinding a bit... In February we started foster classes.  We are still in waiting with Bethany Christian Services for an infant but felt led to step out and do something a little more.  Foster classes have been so good for us.  We are learning a ton of information.  I come away from the class each time with my head so full!

God's leading and timing is so...amazing!  (the word amazing hardly does justice)  We were made aware of these two children through an acquaintance of ours that heard we haven't been able to have children.  She had heard through a network that they will be available for adoption.  This wasn't really what we had planned but we feel God leading us.  A friend of mine encouraged me that maybe we wouldn't have been ready for this when we first started out on our adoption journey but through everything that has taken place up to this point, maybe God has been preparing you for this.  Thank you, Ann, your encouragement blessed me so much.

Our foster classes should be wrapped up by the time the children will be placed in our home if it's God's will that we adopt them.
This just all feels so huge to us- going from no children - to a 2 and 3 year old.  But if God is calling us to this then I feel confidant that He will provide the grace and strength to go with it.

We are working at trying to find some weekends that will work for the children to come spend some time in our home.  By doing this, we hope to establish a relationship with them so it won't be as difficult for when they are placed.

With everything that has taken place in our lives, it's exciting to think what God may have for our future.  God is always good!

welcome to holland

Recently I read a book that contained the story Welcome to Holland.  It brought tears to my eyes because in so many ways it fits our story.  No, we didn't choose to have our "trip" planned this way but God knows why we're in "Holland" (going through infertility).  It's painful to think we may never see "Italy" (have our own child).  But while we're in "Holland" we're going to try to enjoy the beautiful tulips ... the slower pace ... and even meet new people.

And really, this could fit almost any situation where you feel your "trip" has been rerouted.  I hope this can encourage you to enjoy the beauty wherever God takes you.

Welcome To Holland

by

Emily Perl Kingsley

 

©1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved.  Reprinted by permission of the author.

 

 

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel.  It's like this......

 

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans.  The Coliseum.  The Michelangelo David.  The gondolas in Venice.  You may learn some handy phrases in Italian.  It's all very exciting.

 

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives.  You pack your bags and off you go.  Several hours later, the plane lands. The flight attendant comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

 

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy!  I'm supposed to be in Italy.  All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

 

But there's been a change in the flight plan.  They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

 

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease.  It's just a different place.

 

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language.  And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

 

It’s just a different place.  It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy.  But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips.  Holland even has Rembrandts.

 

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there.  And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned." 

 

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever  go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

 

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

our adoption journey so far

Many of you know that we are looking into adoption.  We are working with an agency from Rochester, NY called Bethany Christian Services.  This agency works nation wide but we will be focusing on adopting an infant from either New York or New Jersey.

I will try to give a run down of how we are going through this process and what has developed over the past several months.

Back in January 2012 we had our first meeting with a social worker from Bethany Christian Services in Rochester.  This meeting was followed by 3 more meetings in Rochester and lots of paper work over the next several months.  Our home study was done on June 20.  Our social worker was (and still is) a blessing to work with.  It makes me wonder what the world's population would be if every parent had to go through all that paper work and give the information that Bethany requires.  :)  The way this agency works is they give several profiles (scrapbook type books) to an expectant birth mother.  She makes a choice as to who she wishes to place her child with.  She may or may not follow through with a decision she has made.  The choice is up to her.  In some cases she is required by state to give up her child because of habits/lifestyle.  If she chooses not to place her child with an adoptive family and she is required to give up her child, social services then steps in.

Well, we were still wrapping up some paper work, etc when we received our first phone call on July 25, 2012. THEE PHONE CALL every adoptive family is waiting on.  A little girl had been born in New Jersey at 31 weeks.  Bethany Christian Services was urgently trying to find families for the mother to choose from so the baby wouldn't have to go into state foster care.  Three families were willing, in which we were included.  Something came up that one family was later not included, so we were down 2.

These birth mothers are in a very difficult situation- some find it very difficult to make responsible choices for their children.  This mother in particular kept putting off meetings with Bethany.  Bethany Christian Services finally attempted to send our profile books to her house.  This was successful because they received word that she chose a family- and no, it wasn't us.  As difficult as it was to hear that we weren't chosen we were grateful she DID choose a family.  (we were later informed that she never followed through with her decision.  I can hardly imagine what the family is going through that was chosen.)

Exactly a week after we were told that we were not chosen we received another call on August 28.  A girl had been born in NYC.  This baby had a much shorter hospital stay and so the mother needed to make a decision quickly.  Three days later we were again told that, no, you were not chosen.

How much of this can a person handle?  Our hearts were aching.  It was painful.  To me it felt like a miscarriage (no, I don't know what a for-real one is like.) I can only imagine.

But you know, God is still there.  One morning soon after, I was reading in my Bible and this is what I read,  "Is anything too hard for the Lord?"

I think God wants us to keep hoping...  We received another call on September 19.  A mother in New Jersey was due on November 8.  It's a boy.  We were planning to meet with her on the 24th at the New Jersey office.  We were nervous about that to say the least!  But it turned out to be a very good meeting.  The mother was talkative and very easy to be with.  She was even willing to show us ultrasound pictures of the little guy!  This made it seem so real.  At one point in the meeting she said something like, "I like you, you like me.  I hope you get my baby."

Several weeks passed and we weren't hearing a whole lot about the situation.  At one point we heard that the mother was considering the birth father's sister.  We were hoping this wouldn't happen.

On October 30, our social worker sent us an email saying that the birth mother is planning to place her baby with a family member.  My heart cried out.  Again, Lord? why?  It seemed so right this time.

So, now it seems like back to Square 1.  We wait.  We hope.  We pray.  Sometime, somewhere God has a little one for us.  Everything we've gone through till now, I feel, has a purpose.  What that purpose is, I may never know.  All's I know is I have a Heavenly Father to hang on to when the situation feels hopeless.

-Lydianne