welcome to holland

Recently I read a book that contained the story Welcome to Holland.  It brought tears to my eyes because in so many ways it fits our story.  No, we didn't choose to have our "trip" planned this way but God knows why we're in "Holland" (going through infertility).  It's painful to think we may never see "Italy" (have our own child).  But while we're in "Holland" we're going to try to enjoy the beautiful tulips ... the slower pace ... and even meet new people.

And really, this could fit almost any situation where you feel your "trip" has been rerouted.  I hope this can encourage you to enjoy the beauty wherever God takes you.

Welcome To Holland

by

Emily Perl Kingsley

 

©1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved.  Reprinted by permission of the author.

 

 

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel.  It's like this......

 

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans.  The Coliseum.  The Michelangelo David.  The gondolas in Venice.  You may learn some handy phrases in Italian.  It's all very exciting.

 

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives.  You pack your bags and off you go.  Several hours later, the plane lands. The flight attendant comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

 

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy!  I'm supposed to be in Italy.  All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

 

But there's been a change in the flight plan.  They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

 

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease.  It's just a different place.

 

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language.  And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

 

It’s just a different place.  It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy.  But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips.  Holland even has Rembrandts.

 

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there.  And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned." 

 

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever  go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

 

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

our adoption journey so far

Many of you know that we are looking into adoption.  We are working with an agency from Rochester, NY called Bethany Christian Services.  This agency works nation wide but we will be focusing on adopting an infant from either New York or New Jersey.

I will try to give a run down of how we are going through this process and what has developed over the past several months.

Back in January 2012 we had our first meeting with a social worker from Bethany Christian Services in Rochester.  This meeting was followed by 3 more meetings in Rochester and lots of paper work over the next several months.  Our home study was done on June 20.  Our social worker was (and still is) a blessing to work with.  It makes me wonder what the world's population would be if every parent had to go through all that paper work and give the information that Bethany requires.  :)  The way this agency works is they give several profiles (scrapbook type books) to an expectant birth mother.  She makes a choice as to who she wishes to place her child with.  She may or may not follow through with a decision she has made.  The choice is up to her.  In some cases she is required by state to give up her child because of habits/lifestyle.  If she chooses not to place her child with an adoptive family and she is required to give up her child, social services then steps in.

Well, we were still wrapping up some paper work, etc when we received our first phone call on July 25, 2012. THEE PHONE CALL every adoptive family is waiting on.  A little girl had been born in New Jersey at 31 weeks.  Bethany Christian Services was urgently trying to find families for the mother to choose from so the baby wouldn't have to go into state foster care.  Three families were willing, in which we were included.  Something came up that one family was later not included, so we were down 2.

These birth mothers are in a very difficult situation- some find it very difficult to make responsible choices for their children.  This mother in particular kept putting off meetings with Bethany.  Bethany Christian Services finally attempted to send our profile books to her house.  This was successful because they received word that she chose a family- and no, it wasn't us.  As difficult as it was to hear that we weren't chosen we were grateful she DID choose a family.  (we were later informed that she never followed through with her decision.  I can hardly imagine what the family is going through that was chosen.)

Exactly a week after we were told that we were not chosen we received another call on August 28.  A girl had been born in NYC.  This baby had a much shorter hospital stay and so the mother needed to make a decision quickly.  Three days later we were again told that, no, you were not chosen.

How much of this can a person handle?  Our hearts were aching.  It was painful.  To me it felt like a miscarriage (no, I don't know what a for-real one is like.) I can only imagine.

But you know, God is still there.  One morning soon after, I was reading in my Bible and this is what I read,  "Is anything too hard for the Lord?"

I think God wants us to keep hoping...  We received another call on September 19.  A mother in New Jersey was due on November 8.  It's a boy.  We were planning to meet with her on the 24th at the New Jersey office.  We were nervous about that to say the least!  But it turned out to be a very good meeting.  The mother was talkative and very easy to be with.  She was even willing to show us ultrasound pictures of the little guy!  This made it seem so real.  At one point in the meeting she said something like, "I like you, you like me.  I hope you get my baby."

Several weeks passed and we weren't hearing a whole lot about the situation.  At one point we heard that the mother was considering the birth father's sister.  We were hoping this wouldn't happen.

On October 30, our social worker sent us an email saying that the birth mother is planning to place her baby with a family member.  My heart cried out.  Again, Lord? why?  It seemed so right this time.

So, now it seems like back to Square 1.  We wait.  We hope.  We pray.  Sometime, somewhere God has a little one for us.  Everything we've gone through till now, I feel, has a purpose.  What that purpose is, I may never know.  All's I know is I have a Heavenly Father to hang on to when the situation feels hopeless.

-Lydianne